Various people have found various ways to ask me a question that goes something like this: What about all the immorality in Second Life?

There is a running sentiment that the prevalence of a sexually charged atmosphere inside Second Life is the cause of so many problems. This is not a Second Life exclusive. People need to wake up and realize this is our real life ... this ... chaos surrounding our sexuality.

First, let me ask you: What about all the immorality in Real Life? What about all the immorality on the Internet? What about all the immorality on TV? What about all the immorality in your neighborhood? What about all the immorality in your Family and Friends? What about all the immorality in your own daily life?

People cannot handle the impact of Second Life on their morals and their behavior because they do not know how to handle the impact of Real Life on their morals and their behavior.

At the most simplistic level, the same answer I have regarding Second Life is the same as Real Life ... it is what was taught generations ago and is now lost in these days:

Be careful to

• Guard your steps - know where you are going


• Guard your eyes

Above all:

• Stay aware of your thoughts so that you can


• Guard Your Heart and Your Relationships.

Oh but if we just got rid of all the porn and all the etc etc etc.

Look it! I'm the first to admit ... I would never miss the impact of that stuff. People who know me well know that it had a hugely negative impact on a great deal of my life.

That's why I can tell you this. Moral conduct and loyalty in relationship comes from a guarded heart and mind. People love to whine out their response: But I have these feelings and I can't help myself and feelings aren't wrong.

To which I firmly, lovingly reply:

Feelings are CLUES. WARNING BELLS. It's the HELLO IS ANYBODY HOME call. Feelings tell us it's time to examine what we are thinking, doing, experiencing.

Try it. "I'm feeling angry right now because _______." If there is a shred, an inkling, a fraction of a particle of anger in you, you automatically filled in that blank. The "because" is a reason. Reasons are thoughts. And it is time to use those reasons and thoughts to figure out a way to resolve the anger. One of the most often reached conclusions: it's time to remove yourself from that situation. Why? Because we all know that keeping company with people and situations that cause anger is not healthy - mentally, spiritually, nor physically.

Ok. Now. This next scenario has been going on since the dawn of time. It is the beginning of all relationships of all kinds. Productive partnerships or friendships or romance.

Relationships begin with conversation. Great conversation will give you new ideas, laughter, an opportunity to express yourself... A great conversation is both comfort and refreshment - in short there is nothing more seductive. It will pull you away from work, away from loneliness, away from boredom.

All great conversations include the art of understanding each other. Two people begin to have conversation. They are new to each other. They want to have a decent encounter with another human being. They are not necessarily thinking of replacing another relationship with this new relationship. They just want to have a decent conversation and a decent interaction. To do this, they strive to understand each other. And being in the position of being understood is absolutely one of the most intoxicating events in a person's life.

Give a person understanding and they will produce art. Write endless tomes. Work tirelessly for your cause. On and On and On. Being understood is like a drug that pulls from a human being higher productivity or unending love and devotion. If you do not believe this, just hand out some understanding and see what happens. Or, listen and see how often you hear "but I'm not understood" coming from someone's lips--especially your own.

Okay. So. Now, let's review how many places provide men and women the opportunity to have conversation - away from home - in Real Life. The work place, schools, churches, coffee shops, counselor offices, the bus stop, the train station, the dry cleaners, the post office, the... Have you ever known two people to start conversation in one of these places? Maybe one of the couples fell in love? Maybe a few started a business? Maybe some great inspiration came to one or two of them?

Let's talk about all the different ways people have been meeting each other FIRST by encountering each other's written words. now this is where I will lose some of you. But for you and those like you, I first offer up these: Pen pals, books, pamphlets, essays, letters to the editor, etc. Then I take up with emails, Instant Messaging (or Text Messaging), forums, chat rooms, blogs, etc. Have you ever known people to fall in love while having these conversations? Decide to go into business together? Become inspired?

Okay, all the different ways people have been meeting each other FIRST by encountering each other's voices. Telephone, VoIP (skype), and I'm sure that's the really short list. Ditto the questions above.

Sooooo now. Along comes Second Life. Guess what the Main activity is. C O N V E R S A T I O N. Really. It is. I cannot describe it better than "this glorified chat room." It is quite a glorified chat room. Exceedingly glorified and fascinating.

There is no new perversion in SL. There is no new form of language - we still use written words and symbols (& sometimes our voices) to communicate. The only thing new is that now we are playing with 3D puppets that move us from place to place and forum to forum. Now we can watch the body language of two avatars as the DNA behind them ... the people behind them ... become closer and closer.

People scoff in and about Second Life and say: How can there be love between pixels ~ these cartoon characters?

People are not falling in love with pixels or cartoons. They are falling in love with the conversation and they are intoxicated on the feeling of being understood.

It is the same in Second Life as in Real Life. In this day and age, as in all the days and ages that have gone before us, we still have to decide what we will do when we feel so understood by the new person in the new relationship ... but ... the old person in the old relationship "just doesn't understand anymore."

Personally, I'd say we're looking at a wake-up call. It's time to remember that relationships go through stages. If we aren't intoxicated by the understanding we receive from the old relationship, BEFORE we abandon old friends, old business partners, and old spouses, I suggest reviewing a few thoughts:

• Are we creating opportunities for conversation?


• Are we trying to be interesting in the old relationship?


• Are we being understandable? (Please don't think "well they should just... know ... after all this time ... why should I have to explain..." Please, please tell me you are wiser than that in your thoughts.)


• Are we just simply forgetting to appreciate the easy understanding that comes from an old relationship?


• Or perhaps we are understood too well in our old relationship ... there is always a side of us that resents being "seen" too well.

There is nothing new under the sun. Still.