A bit back I started talking about my Adult ADD. I am not writing from solid ground of research and I am currently separated from one of my favorite books on the topic. So right now, I am just talking about me. But one of the things about ADD people is that we crave challenge.

About six years ago I made a momentary reconnect with my first grade teacher. Perspective ... think 1964. There were several things that made me rememberable. I was one of her first ever students. My mom actively participated in my education. My mom put flowers in my hair. My mom remained friends with my teacher for several years. They lost touch through various changes in life. I rediscovered her through the Internet. And then she disappeared. I pretend she lives on a remote island off the coast of Washington, now.

It was a great conversation as we quickly caught up on all those years that flew by. Anyone watching the conversation should have been able to diagnose me right there as ADD. I pace when I'm on the phone. This particular moment I was trapped in my bedroom for the sake of my husband's work pace ... so my conversation wouldn't interfere with his own phone calls and thoughts. So yeah I pace ... I was pacing up and down my bed!

She said to me ... "One thing I know about you is that you are never happy without a challenge." My mind flew back to first grade reading circle. To something I'd never understood from any point in the time line – first I couldn't understand why they didn't understand ... later I couldn't understand why I didn't understand.

Back in those days sight-reading was making it's tour. I was one of the Dick and Jane children. In reading circle there was a chart ... a path winding it's way across the bulletin board. The adult version of the plan was that we the children would learn a word or two every day and move along the path.

My version of the plan was simple: Pick the most difficult word. Learn it. Be done. Obviously if a body could know the longest, hardest word, then they were the best and didn't need to be bothered by details. Ironically, back then, "cannot" was always one word and, of course, it was the word. My teacher and I had discussionS about our plans. She was stubborn. So was I.

I remember some tid-bit reaching my ears ... my second grade teacher said to my mother. "Oh don't worry about it. I have to reteach them all anyway. This reading method that they're trying out doesn't work." hmmm so ... I'm thinking that in some form or fashion ... I won some sort of uh victory?

My second grade teacher's methods were tedious. My whole impression of second grade is a long long road of tedious little pencil markings. But she must of won because now I read ... 10 or so books at one time. Yeah. Depends on mood, topic of research, location, etc. I also don't really consider a book read until I tire of it. This does not mean that I've read every word in the book, front to back. I do not tire of a book until I do not need it as a constant source for my ponderings. Then the book goes on my bookshelf. It is not sold. It is not given away. It is off-line storage of my thoughts and emotions.

So ... now we have it. In the past few months I have discovered all manner of challenges that involve blogging, writing, monetizing my writing ... etc etc. So ... How do I tell ya'll this? Oh I don't know can anybody guess? I'm having focus issues! The blog is winning. I want to keep playing with my blog ... and all my new fellow bloggers. Blogs are always surprising. Never tedious. Bloggers who are blogging about just stuff are fun.

I want the story that chose me this year for NaNoWriMo to be told. But NaNoWriMo is tedious. It feels like second grade. A novel is suppose to stack one thing upon another. I hate tying and stacking and bundling. I have proof of that. There's a little storage space that's rapidly filling with boxes that need to be tied, stacked, and bundled and recycled.

My loving husband would love for me to figure out ways to bring in money with my writing. He's convinced I should be writing ... writing my own stories ... but that I should be making money off of it. And I have some ideas that I find interesting and challenging and I want to play with them. And, yeah, I know. You want to know the secret of it all as soon as I find it. Okay ... but I'll have to charge you for it.

No, really, seriously, my stomach is in a knot over this. Sigh, the dog wants to go out walking. The dishes from yesterday are still not washed. For some reason three loads of laundry yesterday wasn't enough. I keep wanting to feel "let off the hook" re NaNoWriMo but all I feel is angry that I'm sitting here whining and not writing the novel.

So anyway, part of having Adult ADD and finally knowing it, is knowing that I am in a double resentment stage of the novel 1) it keeps presenting itself as either tedious or the straw that broke the camels back (the challenge I should have left alone) and 2) I resent that I'm suppose to be mature enough to understand this about myself and figure out which one is the lie ... is it really more than I should take on? OR am I just finding ways to procrastinate against it because I'm convinced it has to be tedious?

Dog and I have gone walking. ... with my timer aka cell phone.

Never mind ... I think that knot is a stomach virus ... I'm going to bed.

|

This note is for my RSS Feed Readers ... Just come here and see what's up.

Today is ketch-up day. I need to ketch-up on my housecleaning, my laundry, my email, my NaNoWriMo (I knew there was something I was forgetting to do), my web site features .... Hey! If you drop by and have a navigation issue/suggestion, let me know. I use to test web sites but now I can't figure out my own design. The irony of it all!

I'm also behind on watching some DVD's ... I have one I ordered from NetFlix ... and then ... there's two very very special ones that I've received last week from my father. One is my son's wedding in May and one of my second daughter's wedding in July. I know I'm going to cry. Don't get me wrong. I'm not upset about the weddings. And let me assure you ... these will be very excellent videos ... my dad should go pro ... even if he is uh ... retired.

But ... well for example ... I keep up with some marketing and some design blogs. One of the blogs is John Moore's blog: Brand Autopsy. He has started getting his mom to tell him about all of the family photos – starting with her wedding. When I watched it, I started crying before she did.

Here! While I watch my children's video, you go to Glenna's Wedding at Google Video. If you start crying, you have to give it 5 stars. If you don't start crying, go get a heart transplant. Then go to John's post about the The Wedding Story and tell him he's a very good son. Besides, there's some other news you should know in that post.

Goodness ... 3pm already ... I started this post at about 8am. But ... well the laundry kept needing attention and the heater repair guy was here (yea for a very excellent landlord! And for a 70 degree day on the southern rim of upstate NY!) ... and then the financials had to be done ... so that ... orders could be placed .... and so here we are. And next ... there's this shot i've been hoping to get ... and maybe today's the day ... I keep watching the window ...

But oh hey ... I did remember ... ya'll need entertainment too!

Have fun!

|

Okay so we all have nightmares. But lately mine have been in all of the Technicolor glory possible – complete with very fine detailed observations. Usually I have dreams and the characters are some how incomplete in their appearance ... not like they have missing parts in an alarming way. It's just that some fine detail is not necessary so therefore it does not exist in finite, defined ways ... like the delicate curve of one's fingers or the distinguishing feature like a tongue piercing. I'd say many of my dreams are in color but then ...

Well the last few nights the dreams are boosted to new levels – like watching a movie. I see details about the facial features. There are plot twists that would be fitting of finely crafted novels. There is thought out "if then" considerations on the part of my character. Yes I am both one of the characters and the watcher of the scene.

Tonight (written at 2am Monday a.m.) the dream actually started as a movie ... a movie which I had to start over because my foot was in the way when it came to some fine detail of the drama ... a pivotal twist in the drama ... right when everything went all murderous and sherlock Holmes ... yes the dream had all the flavoring of a Sherlock Holmes story and movie. As usual, Mr. Holmes became involved early on. (Yes, I rewound my dream!)

I would like to think that the bizarre nature of the dream was somehow connected to an actual plot that I read somewhere or saw in a movie ... the other night, yes, I could easily lay the plot out as a standard plot of some military type movie.

Tonight's plot ... there is no such easy dismissal. Tonight I am faced with the reality that I can create horrendously psychologically deranged characters. I can move them through a plot. ... a chilling plot ... a plot so complex that even Mr. Holmes was unwilling to believe the worst of the villain.

But, of course, I woke up right at the point where I, the heroin, could change the whole story. I have no clue if I was able to convince Mr. Holmes of the danger we were in as I was separated from the evidence I had collected. In fact, the separation left me so vulnerable that I was quite certain the villain was busy discovering that very damning evidence about him had been lifted from his work area and the only possible person who could have removed it was me. And, of course, next he would go to my guest room (as, of course, we were staying over at the villain's place for the night) and wait for me to return. And while waiting he would rediscover each and every item I had lifted.

Yes, that is a very standard drama plot... but the things I had discovered about the villain while pilfering his work space were not standard at all. They were psychologically deranged facts and artifacts ... and they were deviously hidden from the world.

Part of me is very disturbed to find this sort of thing inside me. Still, in separate pieces and in separate instances everything it took to create the plot has been presented to me in various books, movies, research, life observations, etc.

So I am left with the fact that I am very able to create fiction from bits and pieces. Not only am I able to create the plot, I am able to define the characters and describe them. This is a huge relief to me as NaNoWriMo approaches and I long to write a story that congeals 100's of people whom I've met into just 30 short scenarios.

I've been wondering if I can do it. I guess the answer is yes.

I think perhaps the villain was so wondrously psychologically imbalanced with the ability to appear ... cutting edge eccentric brilliant ... is because I've been musing over the 100's of people ... and I find it ironic that some of the most fascinating moments in my life-observations have been provided by people who ... can only be described as ... brain damaged and involved in a huge community game of "let's pretend" ... but in a cocooning kind of way. You'll see ... you'll understand later.

Are you NaNoWriMo-ing?

You may leave comments