Advice for parents of children

This comment got way out of hand. Yes it started out as a reply comment for Claire's Dad and his readers. ... But well ... you can see ... it would have been crowded and noisy in the comments section. So, I moved it over here.

Guys ... I had similar stuff ... they call it ADD these days. It's also called too much sugar, too much TV, too little of this and that and the other ... AGGgg! It's also called being young!

If it is ADD, just help them be different without being squished by the school system.

Regardless, ADD or not ... these are some things I know help:

Routines help. Teaching them to associate the next daily routine thing to do with the thing they just finished. I don't know of anyone who teaches how to build routines better than FlyLady. She's sugar coated -- beyond what I can take on a daily basis -- but she's got the best plan. Read her web site and print out her plans. (Thinking I need to get back and visit the whole thing again! Moving so much and so many lifestyle changes is looping me!)

Teach your kids to be aware of little things they are doing to distract themselves AND give them a plan to deal with it.

For example, I was working with my nephew on his reading and even though he was following the words on the page with his right hand, his left hand was quite literally waving around and distracting him. So I taught him to purposefully put his left hand down on his desk and tell it that it would get a chance to play in a little while but right now it was the right hand's turn. It worked! Then we moved on to his feet.

I started this little idea with my daughter when she was about three ... her hands would not go to sleep ... they stayed awake making up stories. So I taught her to tell her toes good night and her knees good night and each of her hands and her mouth and her eyes. Each one had to be told goodnight by her (well us together at first). It helped. So now when I can't sleep I do the same thing for myself! LOL

Also, teach them to think their way through a project before they start. "Ok, now what do you need to have before you start? Alright and then which order are you going to do it in?" This one and my 15 min timer get me through my day. Sometimes, I have to lean against a wall and think it through to keep me from wandering off half way through the thinking process.

If they have trouble with starting from the beginning with a plan, get them to start by stating what they want to end up with and then backing up from there. Technical term: Reverse Planning.

If they come up with a plan, let them work it. I was teased about things like making a list before I cleaned my room ... "clear dresser, dust it ..." and then I found out ... sometimes that's what we need. My bosses sometimes thought I was "the organizer" because eventually I'd come in and say ... "OK this is the routine I have to follow. And it was simply no more than a glorified list of tasks. I didn't even know why I had to follow it. I just knew I had to do it. And at work, in a sheltered environment I could do it ... until I got bored with the job.

Boredom is the bane of our existence (unless you're really great at slipping off into a coma ... aka sitting in front of the TV or gaming systems -- letting your brain become as addicted to it as it does to cocaine). That's when a great work ethic comes in handy ... as long as you won't get crushed by the system. In talent, Tom Peters talks about building your own brand and working on "Wow projects." I just found out that he has a book on the whole "wow project" idea. It is on my reading list for tonight. Hopefully the book store has it. ... Anyyyway ... the reason I bring this up is that I realized this is more or less something my parents did for me in teaching me "If you run out of something to do, add just some little something. Look around and see what else could be done." It helped me so often. And it made my completed projects "wow."

And my resume developed it's own brand list of wow projects. Once I was in an interview and the guy looked up and said, "How did you develop such a diverse set of skills?" I looked at him and answered, "I like challenges. I like to learn." Which moves us from "wow" to ...

GET TO THE LIBRARY. NOW. Encourage your kids to study any subject they're interested in on their own. Butterflies, Air, Trains, Plains, Automobiles, etc. Surround them with books. Tell them: "Look it up. Find out for yourself." My kids swear to me this is one of the key contributors to their success in life and school. They tell me they are astonished that their peers don't have a clue how to figure things out for themselves. And, God knows, I'm glad I got a few key things right because ... woah ... what else I've put them through.

So this is my "quick" post for the day. I still have lots of things I want to post today ... because I'm sick of talking geek and there's a lot more in my life than geek! But first I have to go find my train ticket (I have an uneasy memory of putting it down ... maybe inside a book but never putting it down where it belongs) and do some laundry and wash my hair and then take the train and then set up in a coffee shop. :-D

In the mean time, I highly suggest further reading from Dr. Daniel Amen. Especially check out #5 & #6 on his 10 Ways to Exercise Your Brain Healthy and also check out Seven Ways To Optimize Your Brain and Your Life plus Brain Dos and Brain Don'ts. Then explore the site and I highly, highly recommend his book Healing the Hardware of the Soul. As usual, I don't agree with every word ... but far too many of them I do agree with.

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A bit back I started talking about my Adult ADD. I am not writing from solid ground of research and I am currently separated from one of my favorite books on the topic. So right now, I am just talking about me. But one of the things about ADD people is that we crave challenge.

About six years ago I made a momentary reconnect with my first grade teacher. Perspective ... think 1964. There were several things that made me rememberable. I was one of her first ever students. My mom actively participated in my education. My mom put flowers in my hair. My mom remained friends with my teacher for several years. They lost touch through various changes in life. I rediscovered her through the Internet. And then she disappeared. I pretend she lives on a remote island off the coast of Washington, now.

It was a great conversation as we quickly caught up on all those years that flew by. Anyone watching the conversation should have been able to diagnose me right there as ADD. I pace when I'm on the phone. This particular moment I was trapped in my bedroom for the sake of my husband's work pace ... so my conversation wouldn't interfere with his own phone calls and thoughts. So yeah I pace ... I was pacing up and down my bed!

She said to me ... "One thing I know about you is that you are never happy without a challenge." My mind flew back to first grade reading circle. To something I'd never understood from any point in the time line – first I couldn't understand why they didn't understand ... later I couldn't understand why I didn't understand.

Back in those days sight-reading was making it's tour. I was one of the Dick and Jane children. In reading circle there was a chart ... a path winding it's way across the bulletin board. The adult version of the plan was that we the children would learn a word or two every day and move along the path.

My version of the plan was simple: Pick the most difficult word. Learn it. Be done. Obviously if a body could know the longest, hardest word, then they were the best and didn't need to be bothered by details. Ironically, back then, "cannot" was always one word and, of course, it was the word. My teacher and I had discussionS about our plans. She was stubborn. So was I.

I remember some tid-bit reaching my ears ... my second grade teacher said to my mother. "Oh don't worry about it. I have to reteach them all anyway. This reading method that they're trying out doesn't work." hmmm so ... I'm thinking that in some form or fashion ... I won some sort of uh victory?

My second grade teacher's methods were tedious. My whole impression of second grade is a long long road of tedious little pencil markings. But she must of won because now I read ... 10 or so books at one time. Yeah. Depends on mood, topic of research, location, etc. I also don't really consider a book read until I tire of it. This does not mean that I've read every word in the book, front to back. I do not tire of a book until I do not need it as a constant source for my ponderings. Then the book goes on my bookshelf. It is not sold. It is not given away. It is off-line storage of my thoughts and emotions.

So ... now we have it. In the past few months I have discovered all manner of challenges that involve blogging, writing, monetizing my writing ... etc etc. So ... How do I tell ya'll this? Oh I don't know can anybody guess? I'm having focus issues! The blog is winning. I want to keep playing with my blog ... and all my new fellow bloggers. Blogs are always surprising. Never tedious. Bloggers who are blogging about just stuff are fun.

I want the story that chose me this year for NaNoWriMo to be told. But NaNoWriMo is tedious. It feels like second grade. A novel is suppose to stack one thing upon another. I hate tying and stacking and bundling. I have proof of that. There's a little storage space that's rapidly filling with boxes that need to be tied, stacked, and bundled and recycled.

My loving husband would love for me to figure out ways to bring in money with my writing. He's convinced I should be writing ... writing my own stories ... but that I should be making money off of it. And I have some ideas that I find interesting and challenging and I want to play with them. And, yeah, I know. You want to know the secret of it all as soon as I find it. Okay ... but I'll have to charge you for it.

No, really, seriously, my stomach is in a knot over this. Sigh, the dog wants to go out walking. The dishes from yesterday are still not washed. For some reason three loads of laundry yesterday wasn't enough. I keep wanting to feel "let off the hook" re NaNoWriMo but all I feel is angry that I'm sitting here whining and not writing the novel.

So anyway, part of having Adult ADD and finally knowing it, is knowing that I am in a double resentment stage of the novel 1) it keeps presenting itself as either tedious or the straw that broke the camels back (the challenge I should have left alone) and 2) I resent that I'm suppose to be mature enough to understand this about myself and figure out which one is the lie ... is it really more than I should take on? OR am I just finding ways to procrastinate against it because I'm convinced it has to be tedious?

Dog and I have gone walking. ... with my timer aka cell phone.

Never mind ... I think that knot is a stomach virus ... I'm going to bed.

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I have been encouraged to go public with my Adult ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) challenges. So, I'm going to start telling you a bit of what it's like to have ADD and little stories about how I cope with and win over ADD. At this point I am choosing ways that do not include the aid of pharmaceuticals. (But I reserve the right to recognize when I should use them.) I plan to weave into these stories my research and my observations on how well I apply my brilliant ideas. I don't always see ADD as a challenge. Sometimes I forget I have it.

It's easy to forget I have ADD. I have ADD. And besides I didn't know I had it for 46.5 years. I just thought I wasn't ... enough (fill in the gap with any word you want and I've thought it). I have Inattentive ADD which often goes undetected.

Below this paragraph exists five pages of fairly concise thoughts about how I missed the ADD label for 46.5 years, what it's like in my head a lot of the time, what others see and how they react. There are stories about things that happened even when I was six yrs old that made such a strong impression on me ... things I could not find words to explain because a) I didn't understand why they couldn't understand or b) because I could not explain the disconnect with any word other than "forgot" which no one else believed and it actually did not even begin to express my own internal intense dismay over the disconnect between what I knew should have been Step A and Step B.

Five pages is too much for one blog entry. Even you would disconnect. In writing about it where others could read about it for the first time, I feel so emotionally charged about the subject. I know there are better ways to say what I've said. Worse, five pages only begins to describe the problem without beginning to come near the solutions and adjustments I'm beginning to apply to my life. So, I'm employing one of my ADD tools. I'm going to step back and breathe and actually work on this in small chunks instead of fretting and fretting until I'm over focused. Eventually you would have something very excellent to read. But I do not want to delay this until eventually and there are also other things I want to do in my life at the same time! So ... Let's just lay some ground floor ideas.

I want you to know that not every ADD person is externally hyperactive and, as a lot, we are actually quite smart ... some say brilliant. So don't be dismissing me, and possibly overlooking your own child, just because you don't see a Mexican jumping bean. Best phrase to listen for from school, "Not living up to potential." Best phrase from the kid, "I've figured it out. It's boring."

I personally find it very very easy to learn if I am allowed to learn in my own ways. I, however, will not express what I have learned in ways that make teachers happy. And the learning and teaching of the thing is my fascination. Once I understand something and can then explain it to you (usually in story form), I rapidly lose interest – very rapidly. Life application of my knowledge is very hmmm full of short moments of glory and longer moments of frustration.

At this point is where all the behavioral modification chatter begins. If a person is a good, moral, and/ or God-believing person, then over coming the ADD behavior problems is just a matter of "positive thinking," more prayer, character training, etc. ... Well, yes, all of this is actually very vital. All of this actually improves the brain IF IF IF IF IF the physical nature of the brain is not over looked. Focusing only on the behavior of ADD ignores the real and physical disconnections that are (or are not) happening in the brain.

For example, it would be silly for you wrap a tourniquet around your arm and and then pray to God for Him to remove it (Why should He bother if you can't be bothered?). You can visualize it removed and think positively about how great it will be when the tourniquet is off but that will not actually remove it. You can work on your character model and create an internal system of discipline on how to avoid future tourniquets. But until something is physically done to improve the state of your physical body ... your physical blood flow to your arm is stopped.

Well the brain is a physical bit in the body. Until we start to care for the brain and protect it like it is a physical entity ... we can be as spiritual and imaginative and intellectually/spiritually self-controlled as we want to be and still be wayyy off track. Way off track.

From start to finish and in the middle, I am going to drag you on and on through one doctor's web site and books: Dr. Daniel Amen. His latest book is Healing The Hardware Of The Soul. I do not believe he alone has every answer but I do believe that he is holding an excellent beginning. For that matter he doesn't believe he has every answer.

Actually, I have many people to refer you to. It will be interesting.

The first thing I want everyone to understand is exactly how physically connected our physical brain is to our physical world. For one thing the brain can be examined to see how well the blood is flowing inside of it. (Not all brain scans are created equally.) How well we physically care for our brains with food, nutritional supplements, exercise, water, oxygen, and even our environment really does have a physical impact. We are not just building muscles with all of that care and activity. We are also building our brain. The brain is not invisible. It gets hurt just like fingers get hurt. Just like livers and kidneys can be damaged by poor nutrition and/or impact without ever leaving the body the brain can be just as easily be damaged ... very easily damaged.

The second thing that has to be understood is that the part of you that says "I want to ... (dream a little dream)" is not your brain. Your brain is however a helper and a hinderer to the part of you that dreams. If your brain contains stats and facts that you can be safe and accomplish your dream, it will help you all the way. If your brain has stats and facts that your dream is unsafe, you will hear from it in the most negative and degrading ways possible in order to alarm you and slow you down and keep you safe.

Simply simply simply
you are not your brain but
you and the world around you
will never know you
as you should be known
if your brain is not healthy.

Good news ... you can overcome your brain ... you can take the tourniquet off, you can nourish it and yourself, you can even teach the brain to be your very best ally and friend.

So these entries will be the story of how I am applying little "tricks" and tools to this trade of personal mind control.

It is possible to comment or drop me a note.